Here we provide you the best collection of English jokes.
Everyone in this world love the people who give smile on their face. And this is also good for you to make your good impression by english Jokes.
These english Jokes definitely make you laugh. You can make people laugh and happy by share these jokes at Facebook, Instagram and Whatsapp. We provide you your favourite category of jokes.so enjoy!
    

 English Jokes

Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there’s a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman “What did you do that for?”
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
B: I’m not. I’m her mother.
Mother: “Did you enjoy your first day at school?”
Girl: “First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?
Headmaster: I’ve had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.
Teacher: “Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?”
Nick: “What do you think it is, Sir?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Nick: “I don’t think I know either, Sir!”
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
A: Why are you crying?
B: The elephant is dead.
A: Was he your pet?
B: No, but I’m the one who must dig his grave.
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
“Wow!,” said her father, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?”
“Wrong number,” replied the girl.
A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
teacher: What are you waiting for?
student: I don’t know which side to write the other 5!
When I want to teach the coulors, I just ask my students to pretend the phone is ringing and they will answer:
Phone rings: “Green, green!”
They answer: “Yellow?”
They ask: “White?”
They hang up: “Pink!”
While teaching this use your hands pretending you are holding the phone.
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
Two goldfish in a bowl talking:
Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?
Teacher: “Anyone who thinks he’s stupid may stand up!”
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: “Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!”
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: “Ohh, Johnny you think you’re stupid?”
Little Johnny: “No… i just feel bad that you’re standing alone…”
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what’s your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I’m home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
Cop: “Did you kill this man?”
Me: “No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed.”
When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think its cute. I just think it’s crazy how many people bring knives on a date.
TEACHER : Pappu, How do you spell “crocodile”?
PAPPU : “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L” !
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong.
PAPPU : Maybe it’s wrong. but you asked me how i spell it.
TEACHER : Pappu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
.
PAPPU : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mother is good cock.
TEACHER : Pappu, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy this ?
PAPPU : No, Teacher, it’s the same Dog.
Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor..
Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention here?
Student: yes mam, I am paying as little attention as i can. !!
An E.N.T. Professor retired from college. In the farewell college faculty
gifted him a silver ear.
Thanking the faculty the professor said: “Thank god I am not a gynecologist.”
Student1 :Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Student 2: OK
Student 1: A white horse fell in the mud.
Teacher: “Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?”
Student: “It is 42 mam!”
Teacher: “great, and who will tell me what 6 times 7 is?”
Same student: “It 24 mam.”
Two student were chatting:
First: Do you know what is snake’s favorite subject?
second:, no, you tell.
first: Hisssstory!!!
Teacher: who will tell the chemical formula of water?
One student: Its “h.i.j.k.l.m.n.o.”
Teacher: What is this?
Student: Mam, yesterday you told us that it is H to O !!
Jazzy: My father is pregnant, I will soon have brother.
Teacher: How can it be? It is not possible.
Jazzy: My mother had abdominal pain last month, than i got a little sister, now my father is undergoing the same pain.!!!
Teacher: From where to where foreigner ruled us?
Student: I am not sure but I think from page 50 to 55…
short jokes on teacher-student..
Teacher : if you want to make your character good, then say all woman ‘Mother’.
Student: well that will make my character good, but what about my Father ??
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other “Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?”
The other one says “No, It doesn’t worry me, I’m a horse!”
Man: How can you tell if a man is happy?
Woman: Who cares?!